Why Men Rarely Seek Therapy (And Why We Should)

As a therapist, I obviously believe therapy is beneficial, but I also know there are may reasons why someone might choose not to access it. It can be difficult to access depending on your area, the cost can be prohibitive, and some psychological symptoms have a heavy component of shame that makes them resist discussion. Sometimes, people may not even know that a problem is present - after all, if we don’t talk about our thoughts we may not realise that it’s possible to think differently. However, these are obstacles to why people in general might not access therapy - in today’s blog, I’d like to examine why men in particular may find it difficult to seek support, and why I think it’s important that they do so. Men are significantly less likely to access therapy than women in Australia (12.9% compared to 21.6%), and yet experience a number of complex struggles relating to their identity for which therapy may be effective. Here, we’ll examine some of the obstacles, and some alternative considerations for those who may be on the fence.

1. Traditional masculinity places a heavy emphasis on self-reliance…

Not all men endorse views of traditional masculinity, but those who do often hold a degree of stigma towards seeking mental health support. Males are often raised with the belief that they should be able to solve problems themselves, and that seeking support makes them weaker. There is undoubted appeal to the idea of being competent, independent, and self-reliant. Think of the image of the “lone wolf” - that romantic ideal of self-sufficiency.

…But complete self-reliance is an impossible ideal.

The lone wolf is actually a bit of a myth. Wolves are inherently social animals, lone wolves are typically not alone by choice, and are significantly more vulnerable precisely because they’ve been separated from their support. Humans are largely the same. To be completely alone, to rely solely on oneself, is an impossible standard. Within therapy, we might examine such ideals of “I must be completely self-reliant” as an example of perfectionism. Maybe there’s a noble ideal within that statement, a belief that “I should be competent, and able to look after myself, and where possible, not be beholden to others”, and that ideal can be very healthy. However, to expect that we never have to rely on others for anything is a goal that will ultimately make us more vulnerable, not stronger.

2. Men are more likely to respond to psychological distress with isolation and withdrawal…

All of us respond to distress in our own unique ways, and coping skills and practices are not defined by gender. However, when we look at larger trends, men have a tendency to withdraw from social support, and to perceive social support as less present, when under significant psychological distress. Unfortunately, social isolation often spirals. The longer we go without social connections the harder they are to initiate, and the more uncomfortable they feel. Therapy can also be an inherently intimidating prospect, to go into a room with a stranger and talk about all the things you don’t want to talk about.

…But therapy can offer a non-judgmental space in which those cycles can be addressed.

The good thing about spirals is that they can also move in the other direction - if we start to make progress in one area, we can often carry this momentum forward to achieve additional gains in other areas. The first step is the most difficult one, and so it can help to take it at your own pace, in the presence of someone who will respond in a safe and non-judgmental manner. Finding a therapist with whom you feel comfortable, and with whom you can have real discussions about the pace of therapy is vital. From there, you can work collaboratively to address the obstacles that have kept you stuck in isolation.

3. Men are not encouraged to talk about their feelings…

The stereotype of the man who doesn’t want to talk about his feelings is so entrenched in our society that if you haven’t been that man, you’ve definitely seen him countless times in film and television. We’re taught from an early age to equate emotional openness and vulnerability with weakness, and that men “do” while women “talk”. Because of these deeply held societal values, many men who want to talk about their feelings find they don’t actually know how, because they’ve simply never had the chance to practice.

…But not acknowledging them doesn’t make them go away.

Our feelings, whether we recognise them or not, impact upon our behaviour. They can make us avoid difficult interactions, lash out at those we care about, isolate ourselves from our family, and resent the success of our friends. Refusing to acknowledge them doesn’t remove them - it removes out power to influence them, and gives them control of our behaviours. After all, how can we address and manage something which we don’t understand? Developing a sense of openness  to discuss our emotions is a vital step to building a healthy relationship with them, acknowledging that they’re often useful and also sometimes harmful, and helping to differentiate between the two. It is with the development of that healthy relationship that I believe therapy can be invaluable. If you’d like to take that step, I’d encourage you to speak to your GP about accessing support from a therapist.

References

Halper LR, Cowgill CM, Rios K. Gender bias in caregiving professions: The role of perceived warmth. J Appl Soc Psychol. 2019; 49: 549–562

Lilly, K. J., Simionato, N. M., Barlow, F. K., Osborne, D., Salom, C., & Sibley, C. G. (2026). Gender Differences in the Longitudinal Relationship Between Psychological Distress and Perceived Social Support. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 18(3)

Mokhwelepa, L. W., & Sumbane, G. O. (2025). Men's Mental Health Matters: The Impact of Traditional Masculinity Norms on Men's Willingness to Seek Mental Health Support; a Systematic Review of Literature. American journal of men's health, 19(3)

Üzümçeker, E. (2025). Traditional Masculinity and Men's Psychological Help‐Seeking: A Meta‐Analysis. International Journal of Psychology, 60(2), e70031.